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Archive for the ‘about me’ Category

It looks like I’ve done a good job of letting ages pass between posts lately. That’s the way it is these days. Life is happening so dang fast, and the few quiet moments I have, I generally spend sleeping or binge watching Roswell or some other long-gone show that is free on Amazon Prime.

But, for a quick update on our little girl: there’s still no real update. Not really anyway. The last court hearing was about six weeks ago but the decision was delayed because a family member had come forward and more time was needed to evaluate this person.

In the last six weeks, we have been given the impression by our county social worker that the family member will probably not end up with Our Sweet Girl, and that the recommendation is to “fast-track” her case for permanency with us. Nothing is final though. And I know of other families who have been told the same thing and still had to say goodbye to their babies.

We’re trying to stay positive and hopeful nonetheless. The next court date is in about three weeks. So please be praying with us that a decision can be made. Of course, we want the decision to be in our favor and we pray for that. But ultimately, we want her case to move forward.

The other big detail in our life that I haven’t mentioned here in this blog is that I’m pregnant. Whoop! Yay! We found out about a month or so before we finished our fost/adopt certification and at that point felt totally committed to the process so we went for it.

In fact, the timing of this pregnancy actually felt like confirmation that we were on the right path. The thing is, we’d been trying to have another baby since I got the all clear after Harry was born. At that point, it had been about two years. And if it had worked any sooner, we probably wouldn’t have gone through with the fost/adopt plan.

So when we found out our wonderful news so late in the game, it was like God was reaffirming our resolve. Like he was saying, “Yes, I was waiting for you to go down that path, and because you’re opening your hearts in that direction, I’m going to overflow it with all the things you knew you wanted plus all the things you didn’t even know I had for you.” So here we are, less than two months away from having another baby!

There you go. A very brief update. I have a few topics in mind that I keep tossing around. Things I’d like to share here. But I’m not ready to dig into them yet, so I’ll let them stew a little longer. But I didn’t want to let too much time pass… Or maybe I should say, too much MORE time. Ha! Because it’s already been too long.

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I shared recently that we will probably bring home a baby by early spring. But, I want to share that having the baby in our care does not necessarily mean that baby will be ours forever.

We are going the foster to adopt route. This means the little ones we take in will most likely be in a situation where there is potential for reunification with their first family, their biological family. While I know it will be very difficult for us to care for a baby and then give him or her back, there is a part of me that still hopes for that. Not because I will want to hand the little one over, but because I want for mothers and babies to be together. Because I believe that healing and reunification is better than staying broken. And because I’m not there yet and I haven’t experienced the deep feelings of wanting what’s best for a baby and wanting for the best to be me even though it might not be.

The more time I spend in prayer about this new journey we’re on, the more God seems to be sensitizing my heart to the mother and not just to the baby. I can’t stop thinking about and praying for the many mothers who don’t keep their babies. And the word that keeps floating around my mind is “brokennes.”

You see, it is easy to see a woman who has lost custody of her baby and say, “oh yeah, she’s so messed up.”   It’s easy to see her brokenness from the outside and judge her and think I’m better than her. And to think that I would never be as bad as her. It’s easy to feel smug and self-righteous when I hear the numerous situations that lead to a woman having her baby taken away. And it’s easy to feel like a hero because we are rescuing a baby in need.  But the truth is I’m broken, too, even if it’s not as visible from the outside.

My body is broken and that’s keeping me from having another baby. And my heart is broken because of the longing. And my faith is broken because I don’t understand why God will put a baby in the womb of a woman who can’t or won’t care for it while I ache for another baby and yet my womb remains empty. I hate that it hurts so much. I hate that my faith wavers because of this hurt. And I am ashamed that this journey has left me angry and cold and that it taints my view of the world around me. I am heart broken that infertility has burdened us for two thirds of our marriage and that I don’t seem to be the same person I was when I said “I do” because of it. My brokenness may not be as visible to the world around me, but it weighs me down in ways I never expected. Yes, I am so so very broken, too.

And God sees my brokenness as clearly as he sees the brokenness of the other mother. And as Paul and I are getting ready to welcome home a new baby, the Lord is revealing my brokenness to me. And He is showing me how much I have in common with the other mother. And He is gently reminding me just how much He loves us both. When I think about the woman who will give birth to the next baby that I call my own, I am growing to love her and ache for her.

I want her brokenness healed just as much as I want my own brokenness healed. I want to be a part of that healing. I want to be used by God to bless her and care for her. And I know that may entail caring for her baby as if it were my own simply to give him or her back after a time of healing has passed. I don’t WANT to bring home a baby that I don’t get to keep. But I do want healing and reunification to take place between the mothers and children who are broken. And I am willing to help even though it may hurt. And I know that God will use my willingness to help her in my own healing process.

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Disclaimer before you proceed:  I know that this blog has traditionally been pretty much focused on crafts and cakes and whatnot.  And that means it’s been pretty impersonal.  But brace yourself!  It’s gonna get personal up in here real quick!  Here we go!

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So, you heard the news? Well, if you haven’t let me tell you. We have decided to adopt. We are so excited to be growing our family in this way and cannot wait to meet the little one that God will bring onto our family. I know that news like this may leave you wondering how we came to this decision, so let me share.

But where do I start! I first thought about foster care and adoption when I was in college working at a Salvation Army summer camp. Prior to that time, I didn’t really realize how great a need there was for good homes. I had known about adoption and foster care, but it wasn’t even on my radar. But working at that camp, we had many many campers who where living in group homes or foster homes. And the Lord used that time to plant the seed in my heart.

Fast forward to about five years ago, Paul and I decided we were ready to start growing our family. It wasn’t long before we realized that would not be an easy or natural task for us. And for about two and half years of trying for a baby, before Harry was conceived, we started thinking about alternative ways to become parents. While we eventually conceived our sweet little man, we had been thinking more about adoption during that season. But the truth is, we weren’t ready to go down this road yet.

As soon as Harry was born, pretty much, we started trying to get pregnant again. We knew it could take some time, so we didn’t want to waste any. And the whole journey in infertility, the heartbreak, the loss, the grief, the medical procedures and bills… those are all topics for another post. But I mention them here because through it all, we continued to think about adoption. I remember calling Paul in tears on the drive home from yet another difficult doctor’s visit a few months ago, and he gently suggested maybe we should revisit the topic of adoption. He was ready to head down this path before I was.

I need to clarify, though, it wasn’t so much that I wasn’t ready to head down this path. I just wasn’t ready to stop trying for another baby naturally. And I felt like I couldn’t do both at the same time. The idea of never being pregnant again, never giving birth, never nursing, never seeing a new face that is a combination of mine and my husband’s… that thought makes me sad. And for a long time, I felt like turning to adoption was giving up on that hope. But it’s not. I have not given up hope that I will one day experience those joys again.

But we don’t know when or if that will happen. And those specific experiences are such a small piece of motherhood in the grand scheme of things that I know we will love and bond with another baby even without them. And since we have been thinking about opening our home and our hearts to a child through the process of adoption anyway, we don’t want to put it off for something that MAY never happen.

So we’re not going to. We are not going to wait another moment longer than we have to.  We are adopting! This is real and I am so excited for what God has in store for us now.  And I look forward to sharing more as we move forward in this process.

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For Harry’s first birthday, I decided not to go get pictures done. Instead I decided to do them myself. I knew this was a risk, because I’m not a pro, but I also didn’t want to pay an arm and a leg for cute pictures of my little guy. I recruited my mom and my husband to help out, and we headed to the park. I brought props and snacks for my little guy. Here is a good handful of my favorites.

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I used the Rohnna Designs app to add the cute stars and border to this one. The app is only a couple bucks and has tons of fun options to dress up your pictures.

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I left the board blank for the pictures and added the text afterwards. This will allow me more freedom and pretty writing.

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I can’t believe it’s been almost a whole year since my little guy debuted to the outside world.  What a great year it has been.  I have been busy and tired and oh so filled with love and joy.  What a precious gift he has been to me and my husband.  One week from today, he will be one year old, and in two weeks, we will have a great party to celebrate.

I’ve got some fun projects coming up, but since we’re nearly to the one year mark, I want to take a few minutes to reflect on the last year and share a particular year long project I’ve been working on.  And, I want to take a minute to congratulate myself for staying on top of this!  It’s the monthly pictures!!!

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I just joined Pinterest

So, I just joined Pinterest… which means I have come over to the dark side!  There are so many great crafts and desserts and homemade gifts that I want so badly to make that I am tempted to leave my job and become a full time Pinner!  Of course, there isn’t much money in full time crafting (at least not that I know of!).  So I will continue being a hobby crafter for now.
 
I will share my versions of the pinned items here if I remember to take pictures of them.  I’m the worst at snapping photos of my projects.  But I will see what I can pull up from the past and I will try to be better about it in the future!

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